


The Reason

by DarchangelSkye



Category: Canadian Idol RPF, Canadian Music RPF, Music RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Music, Ironic Foreshadowing, M/M, Medication, Mild Language, Panic Attacks, Wordcount: 100-2.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-16 23:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1365577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarchangelSkye/pseuds/DarchangelSkye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sick of being a basket-case, and I'm sick of being zombified on pills. I just want to be normal."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reason

**Author's Note:**

> performance for reference that is close enough to also qualify this fic for an "Episode Tag" tag: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x62fw1_ci6-top16-day2-part6-drew-wright-ca_music

Gary liked the hotel. Sure, he couldn't wait to move into the mansion- particularly with the friends he'd made here, and especially with Drew- but he certainly wasn't complaining about living the kind of life he didn't get to back in such a small town. If this was part of what being a rock star meant, he was all for it.

Right now he was with some of the other singers down in the arcade, letting off steam before everyone had to leave for the theater. Specifically, Marie-Pierre was kicking his butt at a fighting game. 

"Come on, Gary, you don't have to let me win just because I'm a lady," she teased.

"I'm not letting you win, this button's stuck," he furiously pressed at it over and over, but Marie-Pierre's ninja character uppercut him to a KO anyway. "Dammit!"

"Wanna go for five out of seven?" she offered with a sweet smile.

"On my quarters? Nice try," Gary shook a hand in his near-empty jeans pocket.

A ringtone sounded from Oliver's pocket while he was leaning over the pool table and he fished his phone out. "For the best, guys, we all gotta gather in the lobby soon."

"Damn, I bet Earl's still in the bathroom," Mookie pulled away from his game to jog to the elevator, and Gary followed with the intention of picking up Drew. The older man had basically holed himself up since after lunch.

In the elevator, Mookie kept his arms curled around himself while looking at the glowing floor numbers. 

"Nervous?" Gary asked from the wall he leaned against. 

"A little, yeah," the teen shuffled a sneaker on the floor. "There's just so many awesome people here, y'know?"

"And that includes you, Mook. Top 10's gonna be the best with you in it." That wasn't just Gary speaking as a friend, the kid had some serious style the country was eating up.

Mookie turned to face his friend with a still-nervous but wide grin. "Thanks...I'd like to see you there, too."

The doors opened with a chime and the pair stepped out. "Victory party double date tomorrow night then?" Gary offered.

"I like how you think!" Mookie laughed and they headed for their respective rooms.

Gary lightly hummed his song for tonight as he swiped the key card through the lock. Yep, he was feeling good. "Hey babe, you better get rea- Drew?"

Drew was indeed dressed, save for his tie still draped over the back of a chair. But he was curled in a loose fetal position on their bed, and not in a sleeping manner either.

"Shit!" Gary rushed to the bedside and set hands on Drew, one on the forehead and one feeling for a pulse in his neck. Everything normal, and a closer inspection told him Drew's chest was slowly rising and falling with breaths. Gary's heart could settle back to his chest instead of his throat. "Jesus, you know how to give a guy a heart attack," he smiled to try defusing the situation.

Drew slowly lifted his head, revealing reddened eyes that would certainly give the makeup girls a run for their money later. "Sorry, babe," he murmured.

Gary gave a soft sigh and pulled the man up for embrace. Some things mattered more than others in the long run. "Hey, it's okay...just wanna make sure you're alright." A moment of thought while rubbing Drew's back before he asked, "Is it about your grandmother?" He had been worrying that Drew wasn't giving himself enough time to process his grief, but he felt the older man shake his head.

"You nervous about the show?"

A half-committed shrug.

OK, he wasn't up to talking. Maybe later. "I'll get you some water, you'll feel a lot better."

"Bag on the sink, too?" Drew asked in a quiet voice and settled back against the headboard.

No denying a request. Gary came back with a glass and the toiletry case, the case which Drew took first to silently and unceremoniously dump the contents. Shaving kit, nail clippers, aspirin, vitamins, toothbrush, eye-drops- he plucked up a brown bottle and slid his tongue in upon opening it, two small green and white capsules sticking. Then he finally accepted the water glass to swallow back the pills, and Gary just watched as if the whole scene wasn't real.

While Drew put everything else back in the case, the younger man picked up the brown bottle. It was a prescription bottle all right, with one of those medication names using the lesser-employed letters of the alphabet. He shook it for a musical noise. That was real.

Drew took the bottle from him, his favorite ring glinting in the lamplight. "Well, now you know," he said like admitting defeat.

Gary just looked down to their hands, observing their near-matching wristbands as he kept talking. "Back then it was just known as being a wuss, now they know it's anxiety. Been that way since middle school. Sometimes got to the point..." He trailed off, and Gary looked up again to see Drew's head now bowed. There was so many things to be implied from that moment of silence, but the truth was to be saved for the future. For now Drew just sighed and confessed, "I haven't been taking them for a couple weeks."

Gary felt his eyes bug and a rush of- he couldn't call it anger, but it still wasn't good. "Drew, that's-" he bit his tongue on saying 'crazy'- "you can't just forget medication like that! What if you panicked in the middle of a performance or interview?"

Drew narrowed his eyes in a rare anger. "You think I haven't been aware of that, Gare? Every night thinking it might blow up just when I've got it under control and the whole country sees who I really am?" He jammed the bottle back into the case. "I'm sick of being a basket-case, and I'm sick of being zombified on pills. I just want to be normal."

OK, Gary knew he had to head this off at the pass best he could. "Drew, you're the farthest thing from a basket-case. People wouldn't not vote for you because of something a lot have themselves." His arms had now crossed over his chest, but expression softened at seeing Drew's revert to its earlier vulnerability. "That's what you were worried about?"

A nod, and it was Drew's turn to look to his hands. "Them too."

 _Too?_ Who else could there possibly be?-

"Gare, I know we've only known each other like a couple months and I don't know if this is just gonna be a summer romance or what, but-" he looked up and tried rubbing the red from his eyes. "You've honestly made me happy. I don't want you ashamed of being with someone who can't keep his emotions in check."

"Oh..." Gary felt a tinge in the pit of his stomach at that confession. Maybe he could call it love- those words didn't come so easily- or maybe it was a very deep empathy. He'd known what it was like to be kicked to the curb, to feel like people didn't give jack shit when you were at a low point. But that also was a story for the future.

Love or empathy, he knew at that moment Drew should never feel that alone. He was too good a person for it.

Wordlessly he plucked Drew's tie from the back of the chair and looped it around the man's collar.

"Huh?-" The earlier worry was replaced with confusion, but Gary stayed silent until the tie was completed, a large but loose knot nestled just so against the hollow of Drew's throat. He smoothed the soft material down, less so for tidiness and more for feeling the heartbeat underneath. That was real, too.

Finally Gary moved his hands down to link their fingers together, never breaking his gaze to Drew's eyes, even bluer than his shirt. "Tell you what, Drew," he said softly. "First we're gonna do the show and kick some rock'n'roll ass, then I'm gonna take you for a good dinner somewhere we can be cozy..." He smiled and gently squeezed Drew's hands. "Then we're gonna come back here and I'll show you just how much I want to be with you."

It took a moment, as if the meaning was registering to Drew's mind, but finally he smiled. Not the toothy grin he reserved for the cameras, but soft and sweet...and honestly happy.

"Thank you." He returned the squeeze, then got up off the bed to pick up their guitar cases that had been laying against the wall; handing Gary's over while still smiling.

The tinge settled in Gary's system and he was feeling good once again. Seeing Drew's happiness just did that to him.

Heh, it probably _was_ love.

"Now let's show those people just how we do it, huh?"


End file.
